I've been thinking a lot lately about how I will approach my work as a clinician. Next semester we are required to approach our cases through different theoretical positions. Anyone that knows me knows that having to decide on something stresses me the fuck out and I start to panic. I do this because of a deep fear of failure and I think that the decision I ultimately come to will be scrutinized by others and will not be the RIGHT CHOICE. What does that mean, anyway, the right choice? Social Constuctionist Theory suggests that we are the product of society and that we base our lives and decisions on these social constructs. This frustrates me because I wholeheartedly believe in this way of working and haven't noticed it until recently. I look back on my life and think that I should have figured this out a long time ago. That's the problem-the "should's" and "have to's" that run our lives. This makes me start to think about how difficult my life is and blah, blah, blah. It's never that bad as the guy down to street. And definitely not as bad as what society would want us to believe.
I feel like leaving it at that, but no way. I can't. There's too much to say right now. What's up with being judged anyway? I think that and feel that I will be judged for saying that. Are we even judged in the end? What is the end anyway? Are our lives simply just what we want them to be? Yes, we have to live by certain rules in society, but I believe that we all have the duty to create what is meaningful to us. I feel this way because I was such a product of the military society and just did what I was told to do. No way, anymore. No way.
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